We are exposed to situations on a daily basis that can make us feel anxious. Work stress. Inflation. Politics. Climate change. Kids going off to college. Friend drama. School pressure. Bathing suit season. Rent payments. Coparenting. It’s an endless list.
Fortunately, we also have access to a variety of ways to manage this anxiety – seeing a therapist, spending time with safe loved ones (even pets!), moving our bodies, connecting with spiritual resources, and being outdoors have all been shown to reduce symptoms of stress and boost happiness. Resilience is a key tool you will also want to add to your mental and emotional toolbox.
Resilience is an individual’s capacity to recover from challenges. In essence, resilience is flexibility, durability, and strength. It helps us regulate our emotions and draw on our coping skills. Although it is often thought of as an innate character trait, researchers have found that resilience is like a muscle as it needs to be built and strengthened, and if not used, it can atrophy. Everyone has resilience; it’s about how we tap into it and what we do with it that makes a difference.
Building Resilience
Because resilience provides great benefits in managing anxiety and stress, how can we develop it?
- Accept that life has good, neutral, and difficult times. While we all want to be happy and healthy all the time, it just doesn’t work that way. Accepting that boring and difficult times are part of life (and that they don’t last forever), helps strengthen resilience.
- Build a strong support network. Life is too much for any of us to manage alone. We need others we can turn to, especially when life is a struggle. Shore up your relationships with friends who can truly be there for you. Join groups (book clubs, sports teams, support groups, religious organizations) that can offer support.
- Cultivate hope and gratefulness. Although life can seem miserable, there are always reasons to hope. For example, the changing seasons remind us that even from the harshest of winters, spring always emerges. Another proven resilience builder is gratitude. Some days, gratitude might be hard to find, but even a beautiful flower that made you smile or a meme that made you laugh can be turned into a moment of thanks.
- Remember that you matter. With stressors pulling at us constantly, it can be difficult to remember to take time for ourselves. Even in the most stressful seasons, choose to carve out time (even if it’s just 1 minute a day) for things you enjoy. Go for a run. Watch an inning of a baseball game while sipping your favorite beverage. Bake your favorite sweet treat. Listen to your favorite song at full blast. Get dirt under your fingernails in the garden. Cuddle with your pet. Do something each day that brings you joy!
- Plan Sometimes our problems can paralyze us. Planning can help us get unstuck. Instead of focusing efforts to reduce overall stress (which might be overwhelming), determine what the next step is. Maybe the next step is turning off the show you’ve been binging and reading a book for 15 minutes. Maybe the next step is calling your therapist to set up an appointment. Maybe the next step is asking friends for the name of their financial planner. Once you have some practice with making next steps, you can build up to planning a little further ahead.
You’ve Got This!
Albeit discouraging at times, stress and anxiety are a part of navigating life. Building our emotional capacity and distress tolerance to deal with challenges when they arise can help us weather life’s storms more easily. What next step might you take today to strengthen your resiliency?
