As we enter into this New Year it is common once again to be inundated and overwhelmed with the idea that we need to be better than the year before. We feel the pressure to change, so we can become our best selves. The notion that who we were last year wasn’t good enough or that we fell short of our potential is a message that seeps into our brains come January 1st. There are countless articles, social media posts, commercials, and ads marketing the topic of resolutions and changing our lives. In fact, in this past week I saw a post entitled “New Year, Better You” and it outlined how to lose weight to become a healthier person. This cultural norm to change oneself come the first of the year is a tradition that has spanned for decades. However, I think it may be a deeply ingrained cultural tradition that falls short of honoring our true selves.
The desire to better oneself is not inherently bad, yet often this desire comes from a place of discontentment with who we are. Culture tells us that we need to have it all, do it all, be it all, and in the same breath do it with a smile on our face. The rat race of being the next best version of ourselves can rob us of the contentment or even the enjoyment in who we are in this moment. There is this constant desire to reach and obtain our new goal, to get to our new “destination”. Yet, while we are striving for this new version of ourselves, we often disengage from the present moment rather than finding ways to appreciate who we are and what we are doing right now.
When I look back on the resolutions that I made over the years, I can assess and recognize that they came from a place of dissatisfaction with who I was or what I had. There were times when I followed through with the resolutions that I made and other times when I wasn’t able to, but the feeling that I needed to do better and be better was there regardless of the outcome. The goal was to get to the destination, and even once that destination was reached it didn’t provide the lasting sense of peace or fulfillment that I had hoped it would, but rather, this fleeting moment of happiness. Then, I was trying, yet again, to refocus on the next goal I could achieve. Eventually, this constant marathon for a better version of myself became too much and I had to stop and reflect on what I was even trying to achieve in the first place.
This constant focus on obtaining a certain goal is one that consumes many individuals who enter my office. Whether it be financial stability, a more meaningful relationship, a better job, a new hobby, enhanced physical health, or improved mental health, the list goes on and on. Each one of these goals and aspirations is meaningful and important, but the encouragement I offer to my clients is this – remember that the destination is a single point in your life; the journey to get there is the majority of it. Who you are yesterday, today, and tomorrow is worthy of love and your time. We can strive to be our best selves, but we must first honor who we are in this very moment.
This New Year doesn’t need to be about fixing all the flaws you see in yourself in order to create a better version of you. This New Year can be about honoring the journey you’ve taken thus far to become who you are in this moment. It can be about refocusing your energy and time on the journey rather than the destination. My hope for you in 2023, is that you are able to have some grace for where you are at in your journey and also some gratitude of all that you have achieved and overcome to be in the current moment that you are in. 2023 does not need to be about being a “new you”, but rather honoring the you that you’ve already become.
Truly,
Jodie Meyers, LCSW
