When you encounter struggles, or perhaps even when you simply make a mistake, do you find that you engage in harsh and critical self-talk and experience feelings of inadequacy? Yet do you notice when a loved one is going through a similar experience, you treat them with kindness, empathy, and understanding? If you find yourself nodding your head ‘yes’, then you are not alone. You have compassion for others but find it difficult to provide compassion for yourself.
Compassion is recognizing the suffering of others, and self-compassion requires recognizing our own suffering. We, as humans beings, are not perfect, but we are worthy of kindness. By nurturing self-compassion, we can soothe our suffering and invite ourselves to open our hearts with acceptance of our imperfections and experience feeling good enough and valued for all that we are.
Self-compassion requires treating yourself the same way you would treat a loved one who is experiencing similar life challenges. Self-compassion is turning inward and comforting ourselves when we are suffering, and that compassion is a gift that is always available to us deep within our own hearts. All we need to do is practice with renewed intention for self-acceptance, remembering that we too, experience pain and suffering like any other human being.
Self-compassion contains three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Self-kindness: Instead of being harsh and critical towards ourselves, we offer care, kindness, and support while accepting ourselves unconditionally.
Common humanity: Understanding and normalizing that mistakes, trials and failures is part of being human and that these common experiences can provide a sense of connection with others. Simply accepting that suffering is part of life is a crucial part of self-compassion.
Mindfulness: Being mindful means being aware of the present moment experience with acceptance and without judgment. Mindful awareness can help us cultivate self-compassion by comforting, soothing, and validating ourselves while being with our pain, suffering, and unpleasant emotions.
The Benefits of Self-Compassion
The research on self-compassion conducted by Kristin Neff, PhD concluded that self-compassion can be learned, and that self-compassion can build emotional resilience and enhance well-being. Among the benefits of self-compassion practice are more happiness, life satisfaction, increased self-confidence, greater physical health, and less anxiety, depression, and stress. Self-compassion increases motivation to change with clarity for what needs to change. Self-compassion is a great learning tool for personal growth through intrinsic motivation. By practicing self-compassion for our bodies, we can accept our physical bodies as we are and embrace our imperfections. Through self-compassion, we open our hearts to be more understanding and accepting of ourselves and others, we honor limitations and imperfections as part of the human experience. Finally, developing a loving-kindness practice as an expression of goodwill towards ourselves and anyone else can create increased compassion for ourselves and others.
This is an invitation for you to try this simple practice with an open mind and an open heart anytime you are experiencing stress, difficulties, self-criticism, judgment, limitations, suffering, or any negative emotions. This practice is a reminder to cultivate a habit of self-compassion. If it feels right for you, you can place one hand or both hands over your heart and say the following phrases to yourself:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself at this moment.
May I give myself the compassion that I need.
Remember to develop a daily practice of self-compassion because you simply deserve to treat yourself in a kind, accepting, and compassionate way. Make daily goals to treat yourself with respect, love, peace, and happiness.
My hope for you is to embrace a self-compassion as a gift to yourself wrapped up with love, care, and acceptance. A gift to be opened and used every day!
If you find yourself stuck in a negative pattern of self-criticism and unable to improve your mood or self-esteem, please reach out to someone, a friend, a family member or a licensed mental health professional. Having someone to help you learn the strategies and tools to bring about a more compassionate lifestyle is essential to your well-being.
Truly,
Snezana Gadjanski, LCPC, NCC, CADC, CCTP, RYT, EMDR
Psychotherapist
Illuminate Therapy & Wellness
