Sometimes it is challenging to know how to respond when faced with uncertainty in our life. Whether it concerns the economy, finances, health, relationships, or even a global pandemic, much of what lies in our future remains unclear. Yet, human nature craves security; we seek to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives and well-being. As we approach a new year, what better time for us to learn ways to manage the instability we feel when we face the unexpected.
Life will always be filled with insecurities, but we seem to be confronted with even more ambiguity now than ever before. Throughout this past year, some of us have lost family members, or have been unwell ourselves. Many have been placed in the caregiver role, perhaps some folks haven’t seen loved ones in a while. Some may have merely been frustrated by the sudden changes of needed supplies running short, desired plans cancelling or the incessant changes in CDC guidelines.
When faced with unexpected change, we often ask ourselves questions like… “What do I do now?” “Can I manage this change I’m experiencing?” It’s natural to ask ourselves questions, or to ask others questions about how to cope with this great unknown. If there were ever a time of more uncertainty than usual, our experience with the continuation of the impact of Covid-19 would be it! While many things remain outside our control, our own mindset is key to coping with difficult circumstances while adjusting and facing the unknown.
As a mental health professional, I educate my clients to know that uncertainty and anxiety feed off each other. Anxiety prefers certainty. The combination of fear and uncertainty can leave you feeling stressed, anxious, and powerless. It can drain you emotionally and trap you in a downward spiral of endless “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios about what the future may bring.
It’s easier to grasp this with life threatening situations, but they can also occur with daily nuisances, such as when your car breaks down, the internet goes out, or even when, for some technical reason, your favorite tv show won’t play. All these scenarios cause stress and frustration, but how we react and respond in times of crisis determines how calm and confident we feel. For example, how can we use the opportunity of the internet being down to complete other tasks on our to-do list? Can we use this as a chance to engage with others in a different way? Most importantly, can we recognize that we can overcome difficult things?
How do we help ourselves and find some benefit when faced with uncertainty? A helpful strategy is to merely acknowledge that things are more uncertain now. Ask yourself “what am I feeling?” while experiencing it. Validate your confusion, disappointment, and apprehension; just don’t get stuck there. Reframe your thoughts and move forward from the problem to problem-solving.
There are several things that can be done in the face of adversity and the stress we experience alongside it. Healthy suggestions to help calm and ground you are talking with a friend, writing in a journal, taking a walk, listening to music, meditating and/or slow deep breaths. Think about the go-to coping skills you prefer. If you find your coping toolbox is low, or empty, now is a great time to learn the tools to bounce back from tough situations and thrive in the face of challenges. Perhaps consider learning more effective ways to manage stress as part of your new year resolutions.
Here are 5 recommended steps to take when you experience unexpected change and feelings of loss of control:
Accept: Replace limiting beliefs with ones that are open-minded and realistic. Recognize that there is only so much you can do right now—and that makes you human, not powerless.
Visualize positive outcomes: Don’t dwell on the negative; try to imagine the best possible scenario instead. Not only will you feel more confident about where you’re headed, it will also help with decision-making and boost your odds of success.
Reflect on past success: Take time to think about when you’ve been able to overcome uncertainty before. When have you been successful in the face of adversity? Use this as evidence that you can do difficult things.
Approach, don’t avoid: Use the words “even though” to help you face what you might typically run from; “Even though I don’t like this, I can get through it.” Taking action can help you feel more in-control.
Be kind: To yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can. Practice self-care and focus on what you are doing, not on what remains stuck. Most importantly, seek support from friends, family, and trusted professionals.
While it’s helpful to learn from the coping strategies provided in this article, perhaps uncertainty makes for a time to acknowledge that speaking with a therapist could also be of assistance. Counseling is a wonderful opportunity to cultivate a nice set of coping skills to enhance personal growth when life becomes challenging. While some may push through by seeking comfort or a little tlc during this time, others can get stuck and experience feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. If you find yourself trapped in your uncertainty, reach out to me, or any other licensed mental health professional, to gain the support and tools you need to thrive when faced with adversity.
Lastly, here is a helpful quote to reflect on when uncertainty emerges: “Let’s not return to what was normal but reach toward what is next.” Wishing you comfort and ease during this challenging time.
Truly, Marilyn Tulloch-Ferri, MS, LCPC
